


Almeno tu nell'universo

by JuliaBaggins



Category: Eurovision Song Contest RPF, Festival di Sanremo RPF
Genre: Angst, Based on Ermal's latest Insta post, Feelings, Getting Back Together, Introspection, Kinda, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:20:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22756165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JuliaBaggins/pseuds/JuliaBaggins
Summary: Ermal just sang "Almeno tu nell'universo", and now he's alone. And crying. But one of those things might be about to change, because Fabrizio is looking for him...
Relationships: Ermal Meta/Fabrizio Moro
Comments: 14
Kudos: 50





	Almeno tu nell'universo

**Author's Note:**

> Those were a few very intense hours for our dear little fandom, wow, and Ermal's post today then felt like a knife to my heart. And since I'm in the middle of a longer train journey, it was the perfect opportunity to listen to the song on repeat and write a little. I hope you'll like this ❤️
> 
> Ps: I typed this on my phone, in case the formatting should be off or smth

The door closed. Not in a loud, violent way, not with a lot of force behind it, no. It gently fell into the lock, not making the hint of a sound, closing in absolute silence. Building a barrier between himself and the rest of the world, and he wondered how something that felt so significant could happen in utter silence - it should have been loud, shaking the walls around him, echoing the thunder rolling in his ears, the too loud echo of his heartbeat. Something to represent the emotional impact of the closing of that door, but, nothing. Nothing but suffocating silence. 

The silence carried on, too loud, too empty, too much, and once his body realized that he finally was alone, he broke down. His legs giving in beneath his weight, sinking towards his knees with his back towards the door, burying his face in his hands. He had held back the tears for so long that now, once he didn't have to anymore, it was like the stones holding a dam breaking all at the same time, a barrier vanishing into nothingness with an unforgiving force, and he started trembling, his whole body shaking like a lost leaf grabbed by the roughest of November winds. There was no point in trying to stop the violent sobs shaking his form, he was aware of that, and so he just wrapped his arms tightly around his thin body, holding onto himself if there was nothing else to hold onto, no one to hold him.

The tears still were running, his ribcage beginning to hurt, from the raw emotions that felt like knives breaking out of his heart, cutting him open from the inside, leaving nothing but sharp pain in their way. And then, there was a noise. He held his breath, wishing that he'd have heard wrong, that it wasn't a knock on the door. Or that if it was, whoever was there would go away, assuming he already had left, towards a comfortable bed or some pleasant company; not with a cheap door as his only support from crumbling while his soul seemed to be bleeding out of his chest.

Another knock. A shaky breath left his trembling lips, and he still said nothing, pretended he wasn't there. He once had been good at this, making himself so small, being so silent, as if he wouldn't be existing at all. And some things one doesn't forget, some lessons learned hard enough. The third knock was the fiercest yet, he did not only hear it, but felt the vibrations against his back, which left him shuddering.

"Ermal? Are you in there?"

Oh no. Ermal felt new tears pooling in his eyes. Not him, not now, not after the nice time they had earlier, not after laughing together had reminded him of times when living felt so much more carefree. He debated keeping silent, waiting for Fabrizio to go away, but then, he knew the other man. If he coudln't find him, and then heard from whomever he asked that they also had no idea where Ermal was, he'd get worried. And no matter how much Ermal wished for him to be so far away, or so much closer, he coudln't help it, that there was just that thin door between them, and Fabrizio deserved better than Ermal hiding from him. So with a shaky breath, he stood up, bit his lip, and then forced steadiness into his voice, as much as he could muster, rooted in a body that was so far from steady right now.

"Bizio? Hi, I thought you'd have left?", he heard the pain in his own voice, but he hoped that Fabrizio wouldn't, that the door would guard at least his vulnerability from the world, from his friend, from whom he had wished to be something else entirely.

"Ah, no, I coudln't have gone before I heard you sing! And now I wondered if maybe, you'd like to go somewhere for a drink together?"

"You heard me sing?", that song, that song that had felt like ripping his own chest open to show everyone in that room what was inside, that song from which he still hadn't healed yet.

"Yes, and you were, it was- As if you bared your heart for everyone in there."

 _Just for you_ , Ermal thought, _always just for you_

"It was beautiful, really", Fabrizio continued, and then, after a pause, Ermal could hear the concern in his voice, "Are you alright?"

"Why wouldn't I be?", and there had been more irritation in that than Ermal had wanted, but better sound angry than like someone who just had been crying for what felt like his own little eternity. 

Something like a sad chuckle sounded through the door.

"Because you answer a question with another question to guard yourself, just like sometimes with your biting sarcasm."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Ermal. I didn't come to fight with you. Just- let me in, please? For a minute?"

Ermal debated with himself. There was nothing he wanted less than Fabrizio seeing him like this, and nothing he wanted more than Fabrizio holding him, telling him that everything would be alright, as if things would be that easy. As if they ever were. With fingers that only wished they were steady, he tried to get his curls in order a bit, ran them over his wet face, and then, forcing the hint of a smile onto his lips, his lips that tasted like blood from how hard he had been biting them, he stood up, leaning against the doorframe before he took a deep breath, another. There seemed to be not enough oxygen in the air, or not enough air in the room; it didn't seem to help at all, just a painful illusion, and the feeling that he'd choke on his own heart was back, but he ignored it.

Just a few sentences, a convincing illusion of someone who was just tired (oh, soso tired) but otherwise okay, a goodbye hug from Fabrizio, and then he would be able to drown in his own suffering again. He could do that. Only that he coudln't, of course he coudln't, because once he opened the door, there was Fabrizio, his dark eyes taking in Ermal's face, and something in them broke.

"Ermal..", his name was just a breathless exhale, before Fabrizio raised his hand, stopping it just the tiniest distance from Ermal's face away.

Fabrizio's fingers lingered, unsure if he should be touching Ermal, unsure if that would be welcomed, and the younger man felt as if he could count every atom separating his skin from the other's, every little bit of distance that he had forced between them, in the hope to spare themselves a pain that he then got to experience in double the amount.

"What happened?", and there was such _compassion_ in Fabrizio's eyes, Ermal's facade crumbled under it like his skin used to melt under Fabrizio's gentle fingers.

Ermal shook his head, he coudln't voice any of the things running through his mind, even less those bleeding from his heart, but instead, he took a step back. Saw the worry increasing in Fabrizio's eyes, but Ermal knew, he absolutely was _convinced_ that if he asked Fabri to leave now, closed the door in his face, he'd go, give him his space. No matter if the space that Ermal asked for tore them both apart. And that knowledge was it what in the end caused Ermal to open the door, to give Fabrizio a wordless invitation into the room. The older man followed it, closing the door behind himself, and this time, it clicked loudly in the lock. Ermal wondered if maybe, this was even more gravely important than earlier. Not him hiding himself from the whole world, but Fabrizio being there with him.

"What do you need?", Fabrizio asked, and Ermal felt a new tear running down his cheek.

 _Everything_ , he wanted to say, _a time machine, to prevent myself from ever hurting us, hurting **you** ; a shot of bravery right into my heart, to keep me from shattering something beautiful before it even had really started; you by my side no matter how much it terrifies me how much I need you._

"Ermal?"

"You", he whispered, and then swallowed the feeling of guilt, of how unfair this all was towards Fabrizio, before he threw himself into the other's arms, clinging to the older man as if his life depended on him. And maybe it did.

Fabrizio didn't ask any further questions, didn't demand any explanations, he just held Ermal, swallowing his own emotions at the sight of a soul he still held so very dear looking so pained. Ermal was clinging to him, feeling Fabrizio's strong arms surrounding him, shielding him from everything around them, his fingers oh so gently painting circles into his back, and Ermal shivered underneath his thin shirt. Tattooed fingers moved towards soft curls, as if they never had left, and Ermal sighed at the touch. Which caused Fabrizio to stop. No, nonono, this hadn't been what Ermal wanted, never, but at the same time, he knew that he coudln't expect anything else, and he started shaking again, more violently.

"Oh Ermal", Fabrizio mumbled, holding him a little tighter, and Ermal melted into his warmth.

"I'm so sorry", Ermal whispered towards a shoulder dressed in black, his voice small, but Fabrizio heard him. Like he always did.

"You don't need to be. We're friends, I'm here for you, for whatever is troubling you."

"No", and Ermal laughed, nearly choking on his tears, faced with how _caring_ Fabrizio still was, "I don't mean about this. Not only. I, what I said to you, whe-, when we, I didn't-"

"It's okay", Fabrizio's voice had lost most of its confidence, "you were honest, which I a-appreciate, and we, we had fun together, earlier, didn't we? We still can be friends."

"But I wasn't", Ermal's arms held Fabrizio as tight as if it was the last opportunity he ever would get to do so (and maybe it is, his mind whispered at him), "I wasn't honest, God, Fabrizio, I've been lying to you, every single word was a bloody lie."

"I know", Fabrizio answered, and Ermal once again got reminded how well he knew him; well enough to be able to hear his sad smile, and the tears that were choking Fabrizio now too.

"I was just, I was so scared, and I shouldn't have, I'm so _so_ sorry, and now I'm here, and I'm forcing you to take care of me, even though I've done nothing but hurting you, and-"

"Shhhh", and finally, there was a hand in Ermal's curls again, caressing them as gentle as one could imagine, "We don't have to talk about this now, please, just try to calm down a little."

"But, _why_. How can you, h-how do you not hate me, for-"

"None of us can change what did happen in the past. And I think that what happened did hurt both of us equally. But, Ermal, I, never, not a single day of my life, could hate you. I can't even spare one thought to imagine that."

"Why?"

"You know why", and now Ermal could feel that Fabrizio was shaking too, subtly, as if he was trying to suppress his own tears, for Ermal's sake.

"Really?", Ermal asked, even thought he knew he shouldn't, and hope was a blunt knife slowly burying itself into his already tortured heart.

At first, Ermal thought he wouldn't get an answer more than Fabrizio's shaky breathing, and he knew he coudln't deserve more, but then, in the most silent of voices, so low that Ermal felt it more than heard it, there was a word.

"Forever."

"M-me too", Ermal whispered, and his throat seemed to close, like it did everytime when he said something to Fabrizio that was nothing but an _I love you_ in disguise. 

Fabrizio stepped back, and Ermal felt cold panic throw her claws into his flesh, he shouldn't have, he coudln't expect Fabrizio to still- And then Fabrizio's hands cupped Ermal's cheeks, and on his own face, beneath the tear filled eyes that Ermal wanted to drown in, there was the hint of a smile. 

"We'll figure this out, I promise you that we will. But - not now. You need a break, a few hours of good sleep, some calm." 

Good sleep, that had been a rarity in the last few weeks, ever since Ermal had vomited those poisonous words, telling himself it was the right thing, while he already had known that he'd regret this for centuries to come. And calm, that was even rarer to find, when his mind was a battlefield and his anchor in the stormy seas of life had been cut off, by no one but himself. 

But Ermal nodded, because he knew that there was no point in arguing with Fabrizio on this, and when his thumb gently wandered over Ermal's cheek, he coudln't help but lean into the touch. 

"I'm glad you didn't keep the beard", Fabri tried to joke, and Ermal's answer coudln't decide if it wanted to be a chuckle or a sob. 

Ermal decided against telling him, about how it didn't seem to matter anymore how he looked; how every glance into the mirror reminded him of Fabrizio's soft compliments that had seemed to be like honey for his soul, and how he didn't feel like that person anymore, that person in whom a certain Roman had seen so much light. 

Fabrizio's fingers wandered, further up, his thumb oh so softly running over the piece of skin where the piercing used to be, and he said nothing. For which Ermal was grateful, since he coudln't have explained it. But then again, Fabrizio probably did know this. 

"Do you want me to take you to your hotel?", Fabrizio finally asked, and Ermal shuddered.

"Will you stay?", and now, his question answering another question was the opposite of biting.

Fabrizio hesitated, and Ermal felt as if everything had been driving them towards this moment, towards that single blink in time that seperated one possible future from another. If Fabrizio said No now, Ermal would know that it was an answer to so many unspoken questions as well, and he would understand it. He coudln't even be angry at the other, not when he himself had fucked things up so badly, and when Fabrizio still was nothing but gentle towards him, being nothing but the best of friends, even though both of them wanted, needed, _craved_ something else.

"If you ask me to, I will", and there was carefulness in Fabrizio's voice, carved into it by Ermal's words, feasting on both of their anxieties.

Ermal took a deep breath, and then took Fabrizio's hands in his own, holding them tight between their chests.

"Stay with me. Please. Please, Bizio, I'm so terribly sorry, and I'll apologize to you for every day to come, but please, _please_ don't leave me."

Fabrizio's lips trembled, and Ermal wanted nothing in the world but to kiss them.

"I will. I'm yours, Ermal", he whispered, "that didn't change, you know it didn't."

"I'm sorry."

"I know you are. And I am too. But, please, it's been such a long hard day for you, and you- when was the last time that you did sleep?"

"I can't sleep", Ermal stated matter of factly, shrugging.

And Fabrizio's heart seized painfully at this. He remembered the restlessness that sometimes plagued Ermal's mind, the fears, the nightmares; the exhaustion that all of this caused, nights after nights on tour when Ermal texted him at the most random of night times, because sleep refused to come to him. While when they were together, when Fabrizio held Ermal safely in his arms, the younger seemed to be asleep within minutes, and it had taken them a while, but they had gotten good at fighting against the shadows plaguing both of their minds. Together.

"Would you like me to hold you?", Fabrizio asked, the feeling of soft curls tickling his chin in the rhythm of Ermal's deep breath a painful echo on his skin; of nights where both of their nightmares were forced into silence by the feeling of love shining brightly between them.

"Yes", Ermal whispered, not mentioning how ever since Fabrizio wasn't there to hold him anymore, his nightmares did get something new to feast on, on top of everything they had enjoyed for ages.

"Then I will. I'll hold you, no matter if it takes til the morning until you're asleep."

Ermal raised their intertwined hands, and placed a kiss on top of the sun tattoo that he always had found most charming, and so well fitting, for the gentle hands of someone who's love seemed to burn Ermal's heart in the most beautiful ways.

"It was for you, you know", Ermal then admitted, and could see in Fabrizio's face that he didn't understand him, "The song. I thought I coudln't sing it, right before, but, I needed to, and, I can't even express how-"

"You don't need to. Especially not right now, darling."

Both of them held their breaths as the endearment left Fabrizio's lips, and finally, _finally_ , after what seemed to be enough time for the universe to be born from a single atom and expand into eternity, the softest of smiles broke out on Ermal's face.

"I've missed you, Bizio, so much."

"I've missed you too, you can't imagine how much", even though they both knew that Ermal could oh so well, and with that, they were back in each other's arms.

They left the building through a back door, Fabrizio's arm a steady presence around Ermal's middle the whole time, and once they made it to the hotel, Fabrizio took in the bed. It was big, too big for one person unless one spread out entirely, and Ermal hadn't. Only the right side of the bed was used, and Fabrizio swallowed. When he had been a kid, sharing a bed with his younger brother, he had been sleeping on the left side, and he never had gotten rid of that habit.

"Do you want to-?", Ermal asked into the silence filled with Fabrizio's memories of all the times the two of them had been sharing a bed, and he pointed towards the wardrobe.

Fabrizio nodded, and, while Ermal went to the bathroom, he picked a pair of soft pyjama pants out of the wardrobe. And he was about to close it again, when he spotted a familiar item of clothing. In the bottom of a pile of clothes, there was a shirt of his own, one that he already had deemed lost, and once again he had to swallow. He had tried not to worry about Ermal too much, not with how much he had been missing him, with how much he had been hurting; had tried to be angry at him rather than to understand him, but that didn't change that he did. Just as he did now, had done so when Ermal had looked at him earlier, his black eyes filled with such a deep fear, as if Fabrizio would be about to tell him a goodbye that never would be followed by another hello.

After a last glance at the familiar shirt, Fabrizio settled on the left side of the bed, and once Ermal came back, now in pyjamas too, both of them coudln't fight the shy smiles on their faces. Ermal slowly approached the bed, laid down by Fabri's side, and then, ever so carefully, melted into his open arms, burying his face into that familiar chest.

Both of them were just breathing, experiencing this moment with all of their senses, and when Ermal felt himself finally getting sleepy, it was for the first time in quite a while that he wasn't dreading to fall asleep.

"Good night", he whispered, and then added, his heart beating faster than he ever could remember it, "My love."

Fabrizio's lips oh so softly met Ermal's forehead, and shortly before Ermal drifted over into sleep, he heard an oh so gentle voice.

"We're going to be fine."

**Author's Note:**

> Comments would be most appreciated 💕


End file.
